If you were a parentified child, chances are boundaries were never modeled for you. You were expected to be available emotionally, physically, and mentally in ways that went far beyond what was appropriate for your age. Saying no didn’t feel safe. Having needs felt selfish. Privacy simply wasn’t an option.
But boundaries are not selfish. They are not walls that push people away. Boundaries are the structure that helps you stay rooted in yourself. They make it possible to say, “This is where I end and you begin.” And for people healing from parentification, that separation is essential.
When a child’s role in the family becomes blurred or reversed, it impacts their ability to develop healthy boundaries. When you grow up taking care of others’ needs before your own, you lose connection with your internal signals. You may struggle to notice when you’re overwhelmed, when you need space, or when someone is asking too much of you.
This often carries into adulthood. You might find yourself burned out, overcommitted, resentful, or unsure how to say no without guilt. You might feel like your only value comes from being helpful or accommodating. That doesn’t mean you’re bad at boundaries. It means you were taught to override your own limits in order to stay safe and connected.
What Boundary Work Looks Like in Coaching
In wellness coaching, we start by creating space to notice those patterns. I help you build awareness around the moments where your body says no, even if your mouth says yes. We practice small, manageable shifts that help you reclaim your energy and your time without pushing you into overwhelm.
That might look like letting texts sit unanswered for a while. It might mean protecting one evening a week where you don’t make plans. It could sound like saying, “I’ll think about it and get back to you,” instead of agreeing on the spot. You might notice that you’re always the one people come to with problems and decide to gently step back from that role. It might even mean not answering personal questions from family members who have not earned that level of access to your life.
Boundaries as a Healing Practice
These small shifts are not just behavior changes. They are acts of healing. Each time you honor a boundary, you’re sending a message to your nervous system that you are safe now. That you don’t have to give yourself away to be worthy of love or respect.
Over time, boundaries create space for everything else in the healing process. They make it possible to rest, to feel, to reconnect with who you are outside of your caretaking roles. They give your healing a container to grow inside of.
You do not need to get it perfect. You only need to start practicing. In coaching, I walk alongside you as you strengthen this muscle. Together we work through the fear, the guilt, and the doubt that can show up when you begin to choose yourself.
Because boundaries are not just about keeping others out. They are about letting yourself back in.
And that is where real healing begins.
