Parentification happens when a child is placed in a role that should belong to an adult. This can mean taking care of younger siblings, managing household responsibilities, or providing emotional support to a parent who is struggling. Instead of being cared for, the child becomes the caregiver—physically, emotionally, or both.

Parentification can show up in ways that don’t always look “bad” on the surface. Maybe you were praised for being mature or “so responsible.” Maybe no one saw how much pressure you were under because you handled everything so well. But behind that strength was a child carrying more than they should’ve ever had to.

Examples of parentification include:

• Soothing or protecting a parent during their emotional breakdowns
• Being the mediator or “peacemaker” in family conflict
• Handling adult tasks like cooking, cleaning, budgeting, or babysitting
• Feeling responsible for a parent’s well-being or happiness
• Hiding your own feelings to avoid being a burden
• Being the one others leaned on—but having no one to lean on yourself 

As a child, this often means growing up too fast and skipping stages of emotional development. As an adult, it can show up as chronic guilt, burnout, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or feeling like your worth is tied to how much you do for others.

The good news is: survival doesn’t have to be your default anymore. You can unlearn the pressure to overfunction. You can build a life that isn’t based on fixing, carrying, or proving.